Hello, Reader!

Are you surprised to see me in your inbox? It has been a while since you signed up on that landing page, but I'm here at last, and I'm ready to provide some helpful information as well as connect with you.

First, some housekeeping. This newsletter is intended for people who are single and want some help navigating their dating lives, but my work allows me to offer support and resources to people outside of that category. If you are a parent who is looking for effective strategies and support as you teach your children about dating, will you do me a favor and use this link to sign up for that newsletter. Similarly, if you are a pastor who wants some encouragement and resources for meaningfully including and supporting singles in your congregations, please use this link to sign up for a newsletter designed just for you.

Now with the housekeeping out of the way, I want to tell you what is in store for the newsletter in May. I recently hosted a webinar about how to make 2022 your best dating year yet, and it was such a fun time to encourage those in attendance. I realized that for so many good reasons, a lot of us feel like novices when it comes to dating.

Maybe you haven't had a lot of opportunity to date because your finishing school or busy in your career. Maybe you were in a long term relationship that ended, and you are ready to begin dating again.

I completely understand that. I did not date very much before meeting and marrying my forever date. A combination of my upbringing and personality resulted in a lot of timidity when it came to dating. Have I told you the story of the time I realized I was literally running away (OK...not running, but walking VERY quickly) from possible dates? If not, reply to this email, and I'll share it. It's a good one.

Whatever the reason, if you haven't dated much or in a while, it can be really intimidating to begin. So, during the month of May, the newsletter will be geared toward help for how to get started (or started again) in dating. I will be laying out some of the foundational principles for setting up your dating life to be an experience of peace and fueled by purpose.

And the first stone in your dating foundation is this: your desire for a romantic relationship is good and worthy of your effort. This is foundational because if you don't believe that wanting to get married is a good and valid desire then you're not going to behave like it is. Think about it. How does one behave if they think that their desire to be married is less than good and valid and worthy?

You may be embarrassed by having the desire for something really good. And when we are embarrassed of something we push it away. We try to avoid it. Because it makes us feel so, so badly to feel embarrassed. I remember feeling so embarrassed to discover that my friend group all knew I had a crush on one of the group members. Ugh! I am forever thankful forever thankful that one of my friends reminded me of the truth -- it's perfectly normal to want a good thing. What's more, it's good! I felt so encouraged to be confident about liking a quality match and deal effectively with the feelings I was having as a result.

Also, when you act like a good desire is invalid or unworthy, you are not doing simple things that make it more likely for you to get that really good thing that you want. Think about it. If I don't think buying a house is a good idea, I'm not going to do any of the things it would take to make that happen. No saving for a down payment. No running the numbers to see what is within my financial capability. No talking to friends who have purchased homes to get advice. I may not even look at listings to see what is available. And by neglecting these no-cost behaviors, I may miss a great option that is within my reach. It's easy to see the parallel with the desire to be married as a worthy goal, it is highly unlikely you will do simple things that will open you up to receive that.

So what can you do about this?

Get comfortable with and confident about your desire for marriage. It is a good thing worthy of your honor.

And how can you do that?

Start with something simple. Start by telling yourself that your desire for marriage is a good and worthy of your honor. Say it out loud. Say it while looking at yourself in the mirror. Say it before you brush your teeth in the morning for the rest of this week. And hit reply on this email to let me know what you notice about doing this activity. I can't wait to hear your insights. I think they will surprise you as well!

Next week, I'll be back with another foundational dating principal. Until then, don't forget to let me know what you learned from the activity.

Yours on the journey,

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Lauren

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